Re: *Seperate thread at Rachel's House

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:18 am

"I agree, it will be hard to beat us," Rachel said smiling. After a beat, she admitted, "I must say, Santana, I had a lot of fun. To be honest, I was completely nervous to do this. But I'm glad I did. I kinda enjoyed it."

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:20 am

Santana smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah, I actually was thinking about not showing up today." She said nonchalantly. "I thought it would suck and we would just do terrible when working together but it actually flowed pretty nicely." She said with a grin. Yes, she just said that she considered ditching her last minute.

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:27 am

"Oh." Rachel's face fell. Was she really that unlikeable that the very person who had asked to partner with her wouldn't show up? way to help the self esteem issues. She brightened a bit when she heard Santana say it ended up working nicely. "It did," she agreed. "And our performance will prove to everyone, or at least Mr. Schuester, that we are capable of working together."

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:33 am

"Exactly." She said with a grin. "And now Mr. Shue will give me more solos now that he knows I can work with you." She said nodding. If Mr. Schue knew she was capable of working with Rachel, then she would be capable of working with everyone. "Not that you don't deserve all the solos you get." She said quickly, hoping Rachel wasn't angry at her for that comment. "I just feel more....noticed....when I get solos."

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:49 am

Rachel wondered if she was supposed to be hurt by the comment. It certainly seemed like it should, but the entire situation was just so plain confusing. Rachel put it out of her mind to worry about later. "I know what you mean," she said quietly. "Sometimes I think solos are the only reason anyone notices me. You at least have the Cheerios. And you're...well you're you. You're stunning. Everyone loves you. I don't get that. But when I sing, for just three minutes all eyes are on me."

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:01 am

Santana stared at her and then shook her head when she was done talking. "No Rachel." She said shaking her head. "People don't notice me...not anymore. Yeah when I was head cheerleader they noticed me. Everyone noticed me then." She said with a shrug. "But people don't notice me without that title." At least it felt like they didn't. She couldn't believe she just told Rachel that. She said anything like that before and now she was telling Rachel What was wrong with her.

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:10 am

Rachel's mouth fell slightly open in shock. Santana? Not noticed? Was she joking? "Santana, heads turn when you pass," she said truthfully. "You could have all of McKinley worshipping at your feet if you wanted. Why do you think they only will notice you if you're head cheerleader?" Rachel couldn't believe they were having this conversation. If someone had asked her the day before if she thought she would be discussing popularity issues with Santana Lopez in her own living room, Rachel would have laughed in their faces.

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:13 am

Santana stood there with her hands on her HIPS, with an H, and stared at Rachel. Was she making fun of her? "Okay. Seriously. You're not being funny." She said staring at her completely seriously. "Nobody notices me unless I am number one, on top." She said with a shrug. "People barely noticed me then." She said still staring at her completely seriously. "I have to work so hard to get noticed, even when I am on top."

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:22 am

Rachel quailed under the look Santana gave her. Sometimes the Latina truely scared her. "I'm not joking. And while I completely understand your desperate need to be at the top, I'd just like to point out...you have friends. People like you. I don't have the luxury of being able to say that," she said softly.

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:26 am

"Come on Rachel." She said staring at her. "Let's be realistic here. Do people really like me? No." She said bluntly. "Only guys like me and that's only because I'm one of the few girls in this school that will actually put out for them without making them say I love you and shit like that. I mean, you, at least the few people who do like you actually like you for your personality and shit."

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:43 am

"Well maybe if you tried opening up to people it would help!" Rachel burst out. "You keep people at arm's length Santana. You don't let anyone get close to you. Instead you hide behind this wall of sex and being mean. Maybe if you let people in, people would like you for who you really are!" Rachel was standing by this point, a look of concern on her face. "Why do you do it? What is there to hide?" She clamped her mouth shut and chewed on the inside of her lip. She knew she had very likely crossed a line, but she couldn't help wondering.

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:52 am

Santana just stared at her in shock. As much as she wanted to smack Rachel across the face for saying that to her she couldn't, because she knew it was all true. She didn't let anyone in on her life. She never talked to anyone about how she was feeling. She crossed her arms over her fake boobs and continued to stare at her. "It's because I hate myself and no matter what I do to try and make me feel better about myself, it just makes me feel worse in the end." She said bluntly as she stared at Rachel. "The only good thing about me is my voice." She said staring at her. "Why do you think I like Glee club so much Rachel? It's because nothing else about me is good!" She said still standing there with her arms across her chest. She just stared at her for a few moments before looking away from her. "Don't tell anyone I said that." She said, not making eye contact anymore.

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:14 am

Rachel stared in shock. She had never expected that out of Santana, especially said to her of all people. "Santana," she said carefully. "Santana listen to me. You shouldn't hate yourself. There are so many more good things to you than just your voice. I know there are. They might just be buried deep down. I know there is a wonderful person inside of you." When Santana still looked unconvinced, Rachel took a deep breath and plowed on. "I used to think the same way about myself. I mean, what else about my life has proven otherwise?" Rachel stared around at the ceiling, searching for the right words. She looked back at the Cheerio and continued. "Remember last year when I got laryngitis? I thought my life was over. I thought I'd never be able to sing again and that my entire existence would be worthless since my only talent had been taken from me. But Finn took me to a friend of his. He's paralyzed from the neck down. He thought he lost everything since he couldn't play football anymore. But he discovered other things he was good at, that he may not have found out without the accident." Rachel suddenly realised that it might not have been a great example, and she rushed to fix it. "What I'm trying to say is that you're much more than you seem on the surface. That you're not defined by one thing. I believe there is a good person inside you Santana. And there are twelve other people who agree with me and will always have your back and believe in you."

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:28 am

Santana stared at Rachel, listening to everything she was saying. She sighed and nodded. "Thanks Rachel." She murmured quietly. "I guess you're right. It's just...I've gotten into this habbit when something bad happens to me or I don't feel good about myself so I go and find a guy and I have sex with him thinking it will make me feel better since I am doing something good for them." She said quietly. "But then everytime I just feel used and like shit afterwards when I am lying there all alone." She admitted. She still couldn't believe she was talking about this with Rachel Berry. The girl she had always hated since the first day she met her. "I don't know. I just feel like there is nothing I am good at besides having sex, cheering, and singing." She said with a small shrug.

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:48 am

Rachel raised a hand to pat Santana's shoulder, but she thought better of it and awkwardly lowered her hand. "Maybe you should see someone about that. Like, counselling, maybe? For why you feel so bad about yourself. I know I'm not the most desireable person to talk to and you'd probably rather have Brittany here or something, but maybe someone can help you." Why was this conversation even happening? Here sat the gorgeous, almost head cheerleader, sitting in the living room of the biggest losers McKinley High could offer. And they were discussing why said cheerleader hated herself. Rachel could have sworn it was a dream. "And as for the talents thing, maybe I can help you there. If you want it, I mean," she added hastily. "Like, what's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never did because of whatever reason?"

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 2:53 am

Santana stared at her like she was crazy. "Counseling?" She asked raising an eyebrow at her. She would never go to counseling. Talking about all the details of your life to some complete and total stranger? No thank you. She let out a light laugh and shook her head. "Brittany is great and all and I love her, but she isn't the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. Sure you can talk to her but she doesn't always get what you are saying." She said with a small shrug. When Rachel asked about talents she bit her lip lightly and thought for a moment. "I don't know. I've never really thought of doing anything besides what I do. I've been cheering my whole life and having sex for the later half of it." She said with a shrug. "Singing I never really knew I could do before recently when I tried out for Glee Club to spy. The only time I sang before that was in the shower."

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 11:30 am

Rachel nodded encouragingly. "Yes, counseling. Even if it was just with Ms. Pillsbury once a week. She's actually a really good guidence counsler." Rachel frowned as Santana continued to talk. It was rather upsetting to hear the girl speak like this, to hear her be so down on herself. "We'll find something. Who knows, you may surprise yourself. And as for friends, I know you can be a nice person. This conversation right now proves that, doesn't it?" she said with a small smile.

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 6:45 pm

Santana raised an eyebrow at her and shook her head. "No. Ms. Pillsbury and I do not get along very well." She said shaking her head. Santana never really liked Ms. Pillsbury ever since she tried to make her wear ugly ~~Rachel~~ clothes. Santana nodded and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that's true." She said, pursing her lips slightly while in thought. "But you know, people have known me so long. It's not like they are going to expect me to just jump up and change and start being super nice to them." She said with a shrug. "So that wouldn't work. People would just think I was sick or something." She said shrugging.

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:23 pm

"I suppose you're right," Rachel conceded. "But being nice doesn't have to be huge things. Sometimes it's the little things that mean more. And you don't have to do it all at once. It's not an overnight process, you know." Rachel looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. "I know I'm not anyone's first choice, but I'm always here if you want to talk to me," she offered. "If you ever just need to rant to someone who won't judge you."

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:26 pm

Santana gave her a soft smile. "Thanks Rachel. You know, I may just take you up on that offer some time." She said smiling at her as her eyes briefly glanced at the clock on the wall behind Rachel. Her eyes widened. "SHIT. Is that the time!?" She asked with wide eyes. "I'm sorry, I've got to go. I have a date that I was supposed to be at 2 minutes ago." She said, hoping Mike wouldn't freak out too much that she was late. "Just, please don't tell anyone about this." She pleaded. "About what I told you."

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:48 pm

Rachel looked up in surprise that Santana had even considered her offer. It was just a little strange, but it gave Rachel a weird tingly feeling, like she wasn't entirely worthless in the eyes of this girl. She didn't expect a sudden friendship out of the cheerleader-just knowing that she wasn't completely hated was enough for her. When Santana began panicking, Rachel smiled and said, "Don't worry about. Your secret is safe with me." Dorkishly, she mimed locking her lips. She did not, however, throw away the key. That would be too much. "We got a lot done today. We'll dominate that assignment." Rachel moved across the room so she could get the door for the Latina. "I had fun. I hope you did, and I hope you have fun on your date."

**Santana Lopez** Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:51 pm

Santana smiled slightly as Rachel locked her lips. It was dorky but also somewhat funny. She walked over to the door. "Yeah, Just I'll text you or you text me and we'll get together sometime to work on it again." She said with a grin. "Yeah, I hope I have fun too." She said with a smile and stepped out the door. "Bye Rachel." She said and walked over to her car and hopping in it. She shook her head slightly, coming back to reality and realizing what just happened. She just enjoyed time spent with Rachel. She let out a sigh and started her car up and sped off.

**Rachel Hudson** Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:11 pm

"Bye Santana," she murmured before shutting the door. It was only after Santana sped off, however, that Rachel realised something. It was the first time Santana had ever called her 'Rachel' without trying to get to get something out of her. Rachel grinned slightly, then headed upstairs to begin her nightly workout routine.

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